We do not mope, we mop

I will miss Olympic Britain. I'm sure post Olympic Britain will be quite exciting too and everything, but I'd really much rather that it stayed August 2012 so that I could mop the Olympic badminton courts forever (I am aware that I currently sound like a spoilt child having a tantrum...). Obviously there's probably time limit when sofa-hopping stops being socially acceptable but, technicalities aside, I wouldn't exactly pass on the opportunity to do it all over again, and again, and again. And again.

After the Closing Ceremony I was left with a distinct sense of not really knowing what to do with myself. I tried mopping our dining room floor, but it just wasn't the same. I'll give it another attempt at some point with Chariots of Fire as a backing track, but I somehow doubt that that will work either...




Just so that I transfer my mad-mopping-skills to the next generation (who have hopefully been super inspired), after much careful consideration (due to the obvious extremely technical nature of court mopping), I have come up with court-mopper's-court-mopping-top-tips-for-tip-top-court-mopping:


1. Pay attention to the umpire (hint: you are most likely to be needed after a player falls over, so looking at them after this has occurred is normally quite helpful). No, don't pay attention to what is going on behind you (warning: this may involve fixed ladies doubles matches and booing) or to the yellow-shirted-Malaysians in the crowd who approach cheering in a somewhat orchestral manner (yes, they do have a conductor who sits two rows in front, but stop looking!). When the umpire gestures to you, you get up. When they don't, you don't (even if you have a player stood in front of you who clearly would appreciate some mopping action). Normally, if the phrase 'court mopper, please' is said, you could potentially have been paying more attention...

2. At 11 points, you should get up asap and mop from the service line to the back of the court. (NB: where possible, all mopping should be done in sync with your mopping partner...). If there are slight court access issues, elbowing the offending cameraman is often productive.

3. At 21 points (but not in the final set) you should get up asap and mop from the front of the net to the back of the court, again, in sync with your fellow mopper. (NB: during the interval quite an exciting sign with a countdown clock makes an appearance on one side of the court, and this should be mopped around and not hurdled. You are a court mopper and not Jessica Ennis).

4. If, at any point during your mopping adventures, a player walks back on to the court (with the exception of when you are called on to the court during a set), you should clear the court. It does not matter how much/ little you have/ have not mopped. Just. Get. Off. (NB: if they want you to come back on, they will ask the umpire and your services may be called upon again. It is perhaps best to view this as two mopping excursions for the price of one). You may even be lucky enough to hear the phrase 'Lin Dan wants you'...

5. If, once you have returned to the mopping chair, the line judges are stood up, you should stand up too. In fact, just do what the line judges do (other than the line calling part, obviously) because I find that this keeps everyone happy.  And they may just give you free sweets too.

6. Point of note: the coaches will want to go on to the court at the same time as you. Try to Usain Bolt past them when possible, but bear in mind that it is probably best not to tackle and/or fence them with a mop.

7. Mopping should be done in straight lines. If you are mopping the entire court in three diagonal swooshes, something is potentially going slightly wrong at mopping HQ.

8. The two-handed mopping technique is generally the most successful. As is the lift-the-mop-up-before-turning-around-to-mop-in-the-other-direction technique. As tempting as it is, walking with the mop in one hand whilst simultaneously waving to your fans in the audience potentially isn't pro-mopping-etiquette.

9. Although you may have potentially valuable backhand clear technique tips to give to the players during a match, resist the temptation. Even if you would quite like Lin Dan's autograph/ T-Shirt/ badminton ability.

10. Caps should be worn at all times when on court...

11. Oh, and, just to state the obvious... don't stand on the shuttlecock.


Also, just to answer a query that has emerged... to the person who accessed my blog through the Google search of 'how much they get paid for moping': we do not mope, we mop.



So, that, people, was my summer job in 11 points. Not too shoddy, eh?!

In all seriousness, though, when I first applied to volunteer, I didn't know whether I would actually even see any of the Games (obviously, in hindsight, I've been extremely lucky with that one!). I applied because (as uncharacteristically cheesy as it may sound) I love the Olympics, I love badminton and I love London. At 11 years old I knew, as I sat and sneakily watched London win the bid in an ICT lesson during my first year of secondary school (sorry, Mr. Howarth), that I wanted to be there in some context. So, as far as I was concerned, why not volunteer?! The same applied to every Games Maker that I met: they wanted to be there.

The public reaction to the volunteers has been fantastic: I barely had a single train journey without someone being interested in where I was helping out and what I was doing. And, not that I'm the slightest bit biased, but I think that we might just have received the biggest round of applause at the Closing Ceremony...

Also, not that I'm expecting to be invited to any glitzy events anytime soon (mainly due to that fact that there are more Games Makers than would fit in a stadium and I am a mere mopper), but BOA chief, Lord Moynihan, has nominated the Olympic volunteers for the Sports Team of the Year award at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards. Which currently makes him quite the legend in my books.

This summer has been, to put it mildly, the best experience ever. And, if and when they arrive, I intend to ensure that my grand children never hear the end of it.

I think that Seb 'went to school with my mum' Coe hit the nail on the head in his speech on Sunday: ''When our time came - Britain we did it right''.



A big Games Maker/ Mopper thank you to:

Mum, for letting ginger me loose in London. And for providing me with much amusement by trying to spot which one of the Spice Girls was Cheryl Cole during the Closing Ceremony... (For the record, the one that you eventually identified was actually Victoria Beckham. But you were so close).

Kerstin, Gerhard, Marion, Lynanne and Dad for providing beds for yours truly.

My fellow Wembley Games Makers, particularly to the other FOPers and to Fern, my FOP leader: 'You mop those courts'.

The Wall Street Journal and the Lancashire Evening Post for reading. (Even if I'm not the best at checking my emails/ answering my phone for interview proposals...)

South West Trains, for your free ice creams.

The Met line, for having a train with only 5 stops between Waterloo and Wembley.

To whoever first believed that London was great enough to host these Olympics. I do not know your name, but I really do love you.

And to the readers of the mopping blog!